Okay so here are just some things that you may not find funny cause you haven't been to Sweden, but I think it gives a good idea to how things are here...
How you know you've lived in Sweden to long;
1. You no longer snigger when you see grown women walking around with their hair in plaits.
2 .The first thing you do upon entering a bank/post office/chemist etc. is to look for the queue number machine.
3.You accept that you will have to queue to take a queue number.
4. When a stranger on the street smiles at you, you assume:
a: he is drunk
b: he is insane
c: he's an American / Ausrralian.
5.You don't think twice about putting the wet dishes away in the cupboard to dry.
6. You see a student taking a front row seat on the bus and wonder "Who does he think he is?" .
7 .Silence is fun.
8. The reason you take the ferry to Finland is:
a: duty free vodka
b: duty free beer
c: to party hearty. .. no need to get off the boat in Helsinki, just turn around and do it again on the way back to Sweden.
9.Your coffee consumption exceeds 6 cups a day and coffee is too weak if there is less than 10 scoops per pot.
10. A sharp intake of breath has become part of your vocabulary, as has the sound "Jah hahh".
11. Your native language has seriously deteriorated, now you begin to "eat medicine", "open the television", "close the lights off", "take a beer", "look upon everything" and tell someone to "follow with me" or "you needn't to!" You start to say "for 2 years ago" and expressions like "Don't panic" creep into your everyday language.
12. You associate pea soup with Thursday.
13. Your idea of unforgivable behaviour now includes walking across the street when the light is red and there is no WALK symbol, even though there are no cars in sight.
14. Your notion of street life is reduced to the few teenagers hanging out in front of the railway station on Friday nights.
15. "No comment" becomes a conversation strategy.
16. The fact that all of the "v's" and the "w's" are together in the phone directory seems right.
17. Your old habit of being "fashionably late" is no longer acceptable. You are always on time.
18. Hugging is reserved for sexual foreplay
19. You give up on trying to find fat-free food and pile on the butter, cream and sugar.
20. You know how to fix herring in 105 different ways.
21. You eat herring in 105 ways.
22. Your front step is beginning to resemble a shoe shop.
23. You are no longer scared of Volvos and Volvo drivers.
24. You have undergone a transformation
a: you accept blodkorv as food
b: you accept surströmming as food
c: you accept alcohol as food
d: you accept
25. You no longer have to search for the flushing mechanism.
26. You no longer see any problem wearing white socks with sandals.
27. You no longer correct people who say MAC Donald's.
28. You know that more than three channels means cable.
29. You get all the Finnish and Norwegians jokes.
30. When you're hungry you can peel a boiled potato like lightning.
31. You accept that 80 degrees C in a sauna is chilly, but 20 degrees C outside is freaking hot.
32. It no longer seems excessive to spend 1,000kr on alcohol in a single night.
33. You think that riding a bicycle in the snow is a perfectly sensible thing to do.
34. You have conversations with people outside when it is –10C.
35. Having to book seat numbers at a cinema makes perfect sense. And you sit in your booked seat even if there are only 2 other people there and your seat is in the front row, on the side.
36. Julmust starts to taste good.
37. You associate Friday afternoon with a trip to systembolaget.
38. You get extremely annoyed when the bus is two minutes late.
39. You think women are more than equal than men and deserve to have better positions in the work place.
40. You spend the week's entertainment budget on a pack of cigarettes and a drink in Gamla Stan.
41. When a stranger asks you a question in the streets, you think it's normal to just keep walking, saying nothing.
42. You lose any artistic talent whatsoever.
43. You think that if you smoke a joint you will wind up in an insane asylum. [or become a habitual criminal]
44. You no longer look for Vegemite on supermarket shelves, even if it's your first time in that particular shop.
45. You think black rimmed glasses are cool. Your wardrobe now consists of 20 different shades of black and grey
46. It doesn't feel like lunch unless it's a hot, full course meal drenched in gravy.
47. You think that an unripe wedge of tomato on a limp leaf of iceberg lettuce can be called a salad.
48. You don't question the concept of 'telephone time'. It seems reasonable that no business can be conducted on Friday afternoons. [or the entire month of July]
49. You assume that anyone who apologises after bumping into you is a tourist.
50. You actually care if your mobile phone meets the fashion standard - and so do your new Swedish friends.
51. You get into a Mercedes taxi cab and think nothing of it.
52. Paying $6 for a cup of coffee seems reasonable.
53. You understand that when a colleague asks you out for "a drink," it will probably be a long night with a severe hangover the next day.
54. You start to think that having a sauna in the nude with a bunch of strangers is a necessary part of daily life ... and a necessary part of business.
55. You start to differentiate between types of snow.
56. Seeing a young woman with lit candles stuck to her head no longer disturbs you.
57. You become extremely skilled at assembling pre-packaged furniture kits.
58. You accept you must walk 2 kilometres to collect your book/tape from the Post Office, because they don't deliver small packages (or large ones) .
59. You take every opportunity to raise an enormous flag in your garden.
60. You can't contemplate actually doing anything until you've first had a 'fika' (with coffee AND cake).
61. You think it is normal EVERYTHING is regulated and you obey the rules voluntarily.
62. You accept that you will get parking tickets regularly and stop caring that you have no idea what was wrong with your parking.
63. Nobody fights to get the "parsons nose".
64. Hearing the words f*ck and shag on daytime TV seems perfectly normal.
65. You think Australia is wrong to drive on the left hand side of the road.
66. When someone asks you for "sex" you assume they mean half-a-dozen.
67. Bringing dead sticks indoors at Easter and hanging coloured feathers on them seems a good way to celebrate spring.
68. Pigs say "nerf nerf", frogs say "kvack, kvack" and roosters say "kuckeliku.
69. You know that "Extrapris" goods are cheaper, even though your English mind translates the word as "extra price"
70. You will squeeze past somebody rather than say excuse me.
71. Your husband is very long instead of being very tall.
72. You start to think that smoking is really not that bad, even for 13 year olds.
73. You take two hour naps at work and the idea of losing your job never crosses your mind.
74. You think Australian coffee tastes like water.
75. You don't get disgusted by the little balls of discarded snus (chewing tobacco) at your feet at every bus stop.
76. You not only order a pizza with asparagus, banana and bernaise sauce on it, but you actually like it and wonder why they don't offer it back in Australia.
77. You think horse meat is a totally acceptable sandwich topping
78. You don't even think about what you are saying when you are off to the shop to buy your favourite brand of cat food, and you say, "Be right back love, I'm just gonna go get some Pussi" .
79. You start thinking dance bands and Tom Jones are kind of cool.
80. You would never ever even consider using a metal knife on the butter.
81. You find that you can't spell in English anymore. You now replace C with K. Like panik, automatik, seasik, arithmetik.... and you try to remember does papper/paper have one or two p's in English?
82. If a friend says that he/she would like to get together with you, you instinctively reach for your pocket calendar.
83. It seems normal to you that you've been bleeding in the emergency room at the hospital for four and a half hours when the three doctors walk by on their third coffee break since you got there.
84. You say "I'm almost annoyed" when you're as furious as humanly possible
85. A 25 % sales tax on just about everything is no big deal.
86. Opening your Christmas presents on the 24th of December no longer seems like cheating.
87. You can use bra, fart, and slut in the same sentence without giggling.
88. You think the songs played at "The Eurovision song contest" are instant hits.
89. You don't get surprised when kids come trick-or-treating during Easter, all dressed up like witches.
90. You are concerned when the picture on the front page of the paper is not of some completely random person watering their garden or of a child holding an animal.
91. It is your birthday YOU have to make the cake.
92. ICA is not I.C.A - it's eeka.
93. When a Swede realises that you are an Aussie, you immediately rattle off the facts about sharks, spiders, snakes and other creepy crawlies just to get it out of the way.
94. You know that "fan" is a swearword, and not an admirer or an air conditioner.
95. You no longer eat yoghurt, you drink it.
96. You actually pay an annual television fee without feeling infringed.
97. You tease people from Skåne about their "Swedish".
98. When someone asks you "Hi, how are you?" you actually take time out to explain how you are.
99. When you stop converting Swedish crowns into your native currency.
100. You are no longer surprised when you see full-frontal male nudity in a commercial or on TV.
101. When you see that the time is 3.30 and you say it's "" (halv fyra)
102. You accept that people talk to you only when they are really drunk.
103. Sunbathing while there is still snow lying is normal.
104. You automatically line up the barcodes on all your groceries at the supermarket checkout.
105. You're not surprised anymore when hearing about an old petrol station being turned into a mosque.
Your talking with an Australian friend who's name starts with "J" and you pronounce it with the Swedish alphabet. E.G. "John" sounds more like "Yohn" and Zac sounds like Sac!
106. Sparkling water becomes something that you want to drink.
107. You think its a good thing that you have to pay to pee! then have to sit half off the toilet seat holding the door shut so noone else pays and walks in on you.
108. It makes perfect sense that the traffic lights turn yellow before and after the red light.
Okay just a little side note incase you're unsure. I really love being in Sweden and the Swedes are the best :D106.
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